For those of you who don't know, my mom is going through chemo and radiation therapy for rectal cancer right now. After losing my dad earlier this year, it was especially important to me to spend some quality time with my family and my mother. While I am sure she was not up for visitors (especially our crew), we surprised her on Christmas Eve and the kids definitely lived up to their name of the FAB FIVE... (be patient, it takes a moment to load)
The reality of my dad not being here this Christmas has hit me really hard today. I was doing okay up until today - the boys are out of school for a week and a half, Dan is home from work for the next week and a 1/2, shopping is done, blah blah blah....but there is no dad. There is no grandpa, there will be no grandpa here on Christmas morning to see my kid's happy faces. I already see the light of my dad fading from their memories and it breaks my heart. There will be no twinkle in his eye as the kid's wake him up, he won't be sitting there for hours helping get the damn presents out of their boxes and then spending even more hours playing with them until he can barely hold his eyes open anymore. He won't be here sitting in "his" chair flipping channels on our TV with the volume turned way too loud until the wee hours of the morning.
It sucks and I hate it. I don't want to struggle through Christmas without him. It's not fair. I do believe there is a reason God did this to our family, but I cannot begin to fathom what that could possibly be.
At least, I guess, it is helping me take my focus off of mom and her struggles - at least temporarily.
I am sorry to be such a downer. I really have been trying to struggle through it, but today, it all came crashing down around me.
Daddy, I hope you know how much you are missed, how much you touched our lives, how much it hurts to go on without you. I also hope you did not suffer and you went happy knowing we were coming to visit so soon.
I love you and miss you, daddy. Merry Christmas.
Here are the Fab Five from Christmas 2006 (on the left) and Christmas 2007 (on the right).
We've had a pretty nasty cold around here this week. Lots of snot, lots of Kleenex. You know the drill. But....
You know their colds must be bad when they want to do it themselves!!!
